it's grad school, baby... live it up!

a note

2008-04-12T11:39:00.004-05:00

it is difficult to type
with a kitten on one's left shoulder
but she smells so warm

good morning

2008-04-12T10:33:00.003-05:00

in my cool bed

a pleasant conversation

vanishing responsibilities

a cat, settled on my chest

oranges

feminist poetry

imagining Vienna

the whole day left in front of me
everything left in front of me

dear God, please make my blog title come true. love, cat

2008-02-27T18:04:00.004-06:00

Friday was a “Murphy’s Law is kicking my ass” –kind of a day, but the rest of the weekend more than made up for it.

Casey jetted to me on Saturday and, after getting lost because the map was super confusing (not because I’m just dumb), we went to Carytown to Nacho Mama’s for lunch…

A note: Richmond is divided up into neighborhoods, which makes it even more awesome. The Fan (so named for it’s shape) is the middle of the city, and where the VCU campus is located. It’s got beautiful old houses and apartments and churches and museums and schools right next to each other—every building looks different from the one next to eat, but just as beautiful. Such character. Monument Avenue has 9 freaking monuments on it! Just right in the middle of the road! Then there’s Carytown, a line of cute shops and boutiques and coffeehouses (or coffee and wine shops) and, oddly enough, TONS of weird pet places. There’s a pet optometrist, a pet dermatologist, a place that looked like it only fixed pets, and several pet rescue centers. Richmond apparently has a pet problem. Weird. Anyway, then there’s downtown—Shockoe Bottom and Shockoe Slip—more upscale restaurants and bars and just generally what you’d think of as “downtown.” Ok, that was a freaking long note. Don’t act like you’re surprised.

Anyway, so Casey and I spent ridiculous amounts of money, but came away with some awesome things: nativities, bff necklaces, new purses, solid colored t-shirts, psychotherapy flashcards, a weekly desk calendar, a weird tomato-fairy-Santa Claus… exactly what you’d expect. We wandered to Shockoe Bottom, found a perfect little bookstore (the clerk actually knew what she was talking about!) and then gloriously stumbled upon Buffalo Wild Wings. Bdubbs had the greatest soundtrack ever, an interesting assortment of people, too much food for us to eat, and Chris, our 30-40 yr old waiter. Oh, and a woman in the restroom who, although she loudly protested to her friend on the phone, definitely cared whether or not some guy had slept with some girl. “They went home together, and that’s what guys and girls do when they go home together.” Can’t argue with that logic. The stalls aren’t soundproof, lady.

The next day we had lunch, Casey left, and I spent an inordinate amount of time painting my fingernails and getting ready for dinner. Dinner was really cool. Current grad students, the other applicants, and I had dinner at a pizza place and we just spent a couple hours getting to know each other. The students at this school are SO COOL. I just want them to like me so that we can be friends and hang out. They were pretty, obviously intelligent, laid-back, and just cool. One of them made a psychology joke (she was refreshing her email repeatedly to see if she’d gotten an internship, and said she looked like “a pigeon pushing a lever”), and I nearly fainted. I think that they liked me, too. Gah, they were awesome.

I spent the night with a Counseling student (Nicole) and a Clinical student (Kelly). We had a glass of wine, watched the Oscars, talked about Hollywood pregnancies, and they gossiped about people in the program. So I loved them, too.

The next day, all the applicants met up and had breakfast. We had to do an ice-breaker, so that was kind of lame, but then we walked down to the CPSD—the clinic open to the community. I walked with the program assistant (a young combination of Dr. Dietrich and Deech, so of course I fell in love) and talked to him easily the whole way. Again, these people are just cool. The clinic was amazing—all second year students counsel there under supervision. Then we toured the University Counseling Services. The third year students counsel there under supervision. The guy who gave us that tour had the greatest laugh of all time; he laughed at his own jokes, and I laughed at them, too, simply because he was. Then we had lunch with the current students, and that was fun again. After that I had my group interview. That turned out to be two faculty members answering questions from the six or so students I was with. So relaxed. My first individual interview was with Dr. Mazzeo, who’d be my advisor if I get in. There were four of us there to interview with her, so we only got half hour slots. The girl before me took 10 of my minutes. Ugh. But it was great talking to her. She is really good at getting grants for her lab, so she can fund her students in the summer (VCU guarantees funding for the first 3 years, and basically the fourth, too, but not in the summer). Right now they are working on the Nourish Project, where they educate parents on childhood obesity. She told me that I was one of 5 girls she was considering, and that I was the only one still in undergrad. She told me that to say how impressive it was that I’m in the running, but it’s still sort of nerve-wracking to know how I measure up. But the point of the day was to determine fit, and I think her students (with whom I’d be working mostly) really liked me. Then I met with Dr. Worthington, who is one of the most impressive men I’ve ever met—he’s like, ridiculously published. He studies spirituality, forgiveness, and positive psychology. I’d love to work with him, too. In that interview, we just chatted. He told me his story, which was awesome, and we ran over time because we were having such a great conversation. I ran into the program assistant again and got to talk to him for a few minutes, and tell him how my interviews had gone. He was very encouraging. I think we’re best friends now.

I got home Tuesday afternoon, and I’m leaving for Denver tomorrow. I don’t think it can measure up in the slightest, but I’m trying very hard to keep an open mind.

I’m exhausted, but so excited!

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. -woody allen

2008-01-10T18:04:00.000-06:00

i ran three miles. they were slow, but they were there. count 'em... 1, 2, 3. i don't usually listen to music when i run, i just think. tonight i thought about my hat. bear with me on this one, it goes weird places.

i have loved three baseball caps in my life.

the first was a gift from my brother when he was in high school and i was in elementary school. it was red and had RBBB in big yellow letters across the front. he and his girlfriend got it at the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey circus. i LOVED that hat. i idolized clint, and that hat symbolized everything that was "cool" for me. it was part of my uniform for the next few years. i wore it backwards. i was that awesome. you can imagine how pretty i was, and how much mom disliked that ball cap. this time period also intersected my flannel shirt phase. how popular of me.

the next cap was adam's. it was red, too, and said NC State. it was too big for me. i loved it like smalltown girls love wearing their high school sweethearts' letterman jackets. it meant i belonged to someone.

this hat, the one that i'm still wearing now, is the first baseball cap that i have ever bought. i've been wanting one, one that was mine, one that fit. casey and i found it when i was visiting her in princeton. it's Life is Good, beige, with a picture of jake running on it. it is so perfect. this is the first hat that i've ever loved because it was mine. it makes me want to run (because i don't want it to be a liar). it makes me think of casey, and how she knows what i'm thinking even before i can admit it. it makes me think of courtney, and how she goodnaturedly told me i looked "like a tiny mom" in it. it makes me think of the kids that i'll have someday, who will probably also make fun of my hat just like my sister did. and they, too, will love it about me.

strange, that these are things i thought of while running. there was an eternity more, but that's most of what i can articulate. at least, that's what i can articulate that will make sense to people. and here's hoping it did.

seriously?

2007-12-10T23:29:00.001-06:00

my mom brought me soup because i'm sick.

it spilled on my hand and i got a second degree burn.

grumpycat's list of complaints

2007-12-06T15:27:00.000-06:00

1. i made a C+ on the paper that i had to do well on. charles loved the content, but i freakin switched tenses. i'm sorry i'm sorry. i hate response papers. perhaps if i had opinions...

2. his exam is tomorrow. i have to make an A if i don't want to make my first C in a course. oh god. panic attack.

3. i'm losing my voice. and starting to cough. they may be connected.

4. i'm beyond broke from grad school apps. (side complaint: i don't get paid for nov OR dec until dec 24 because i was late turning in my time-sheet... because we were out for thanksgiving when it was due.)

5. i'm out of contacts so i've been wearing my glasses for 3 days now. if you know me, you know that this does not make me feel good.

6. my straight hairs have been particularly straight and particularly irritating recently. to the point of no longer being amusing.

7. haven't run in a week.

8. new cute shoes... broken heel after second wear.

9. unnnggghhhhhhhhh exams.

10. it's so cold outside... not in the cute, sing-song way, but in the way that freezes my wet hair in the mornings, keeps my nose perpetually numb, fogs my glasses when i go indoors, makes socks necessary, and forces me to go to the tanning bed so my SAD doesn't kill me.

11. adam sucks.

12. lonely.

13. life-tired.

valleys fill first, valleys fill first, valleys fill first...

An Open Letter To My School That Recently Put Up A New Sidewalk*

2007-12-03T19:21:00.000-06:00

Dear Lambuth University,

Thanks for finally putting in that sidewalk! After (at least) four years, you've finally listened. To be perfectly honest, it wasn't really what I had in mind when I pushed for it, but that's ok! It's there, and that's the important thing, right?

Thanks for running it exactly parallel to the street. It really was too much of a hassle to take the (literally) one step over to make it to the road. I'm so glad that's not a problem anymore! And I'm surprisingly overjoyed to still have the 20 feet of soggy ground to walk on in the opposite direction (which is where I imagined the sidewalk in the first place, but what do I know?).

And thank you so much for leaving all the freshly upturned dirt immediately around the new sidewalk, so that I have no choice but to follow it if I want to keep the hems of my pants from getting muddy. So now I'm practically walking on the road. Which was already there. But this sidewalk is so much better. Thanks.

And yes, more of my gratitude (and probably my tuition) goes to you for tearing up all the cool tree roots to put in this very necessary sidewalk. Not only were they the only things saving my canvas shoes from ruin every rainy day, they were also the greatest natural landmark.

"So where are you?"

"I'm at the roots."

"Ohhhhh ok I have a very clear picture."

In addition, they were one of the only things I liked about this God-forsaken place. So yeah, I'm really glad that they're gone. Forever.

Thanks a lot,
Cat Underwood

*as submitted to McSweeney's Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely To Respond

panic attack in action

2007-11-28T17:23:00.001-06:00

i went down the courthouse between classes today to transfer the title of my car into my name. so that's done. and that's weird.

anyways, since it (shockingly) took barely any time, i had some to kill. i went over to the new starbucks across the street, which i'd never been to before. i sat there, drank coffee, had a muffin, and read some Emerson. i felt like such a badass. it's sort of what i imagine (or hope) i'll be doing next year... sitting in a downtown coffeeshop reading.

and to achieve that end, i'll be mailing all my grad school applications tomorrow. i'm absolutely freaking out. i've been running so late on this whole application process that i feel as if i have a million things left to do before i can be finished. my first drafts of my curriculum vitae and my statement of purpose were pretty much crap - and i've only just finished the second edits. thank god for drs. b and d - their help is basically the only thing keeping me from having an all out manic episode (ya like that shout out, ashbash?).

in just a little while, i'll be meeting with the other phi mu seniors to write the ode! i'm so excited, but i really wish it was another time. i mean, it couldn't be - xmas social is this saturday because this is the last week of school. SO WEIRD. anyway, after the ode-ing, ashlee and i are meeting to make our powerpoint presentation for experimental methods. and then i'll be reading some more Emerson and writing a two page response to give to dr. mayo, who i have been disappointing all year. so this one has to be good.

in case you didn't catch it by that last paragraph, school is completely swamping me. i have enough to do without worrying about the rest of my life. oh geez. you should really call me friday night: i'll be the happiest you've ever seen.

monet, van gogh, cezanne, underwood...

2007-11-26T18:00:00.000-06:00

so i took Painting I as an elective this semester, just because i like art and making things. well i've complained about it most of the year. i love ms. noe - she's so perfectly eccentric - and i love the class, but we only meet once a week. we have the rest of the week to work on a painting on our own. that's fine, except i have no good place to paint and i have class and work the whole time the art barn is open to students. so basically i like it but it's extremely inconvenient.

plus i've only had like one piece i've even liked the whole time.

well we had this huge project to do: Famous Faces. we had to trace all the shadows of a famous woman's face onto a huge piece of matte board and then paint it in some non-human colors. i ended up doing mine (Natalie Wood), start to finish, last night. i loooooove the way it turned out.

so at the end of class today, i had to ask ms noe a question about my painting, so we talked about it for a minute, and she preceded to tell me that i really just had lots of natural talent, and she knew i was a senior, but really hoped that i would continue to work at painting because i was just really good at it. ok, i had no idea. i thought i was ok, but not like what she was talking about! she told me she was glad she caught me on my own to tell me because she wouldn't have said it in front of the other students, but wanted me to know that i was talented.

so wow! what a good note to end my school day on! it was probably just a ploy to get me to sign up for one of her classes next semester... which i'm going to go do now.

those babies just did an extension

2007-11-19T15:39:00.000-06:00

SOUTHERN EXTREME
THAT'S WHO WE ARE
THE BEST OF THE BEST
(clap, clap)
BY FAR!

i know those words not from the tiny little girls cheering them from the competition mat, but from the mothers loudly screaming them from the stands in the oman arena. complete with blowhorns.

i wanted to die. i settled for gripping courtney's hand and whispering to my father, "intense and inappropriate."

it was my little sister's (read: alexis, not courtney) cheerleading competition. she competed in the 8 and under group. these were the tiny baby ones. each under 3 feet tall (minus lex who is almost as tall as i am), turning somersaults and backhandsprings, more makeup than i wore to prom, more glitter than could possibly be necessary around each eye, hair curled within an inch of its life... yeesh. one grouped had dyed their hair green. all of 'em, hopped up on competition. they were gonna beat those other infant girls, damnit! "they got nothing on us," said my stepmother (in her bejeweled "southern extreme" shirt, of course) of the toddlers who went before my sister. you are an adult - stop talking shit about the rival 6 yr olds.

i don't want to take away from the level of talent most of these girls have - they were doing things that i could never do. and i'm glad they're having fun. but when they get second place and the parents cannot hide their disappointment? no, sir, that's not ok.

nor do i want to err in the opposite direction where everyone wins exactly the same. competition is good and healthy, but it should not reach a level of intesity that makes the average person cringe. watching a documentary on "pageant moms" is the only time i should feel this way, and the only place that people like this should exist. oh, but no, they are alive and well in jackson, tn.

i'm so embarrassing

2007-11-04T12:43:00.000-06:00

so phi mu had a PMS night (pizza, movies, and sisterhood) on friday. we could either go see The Game Plan or Elizabeth: The Golden Years. as much as it pained me to do it, i had to vote for The Game Plan because i haven't seen the first Elizabeth movie, and i can't see the sequel first. that would be so wrong.

the first few minutes of the movie, we were all rolling our eyes. dwayne "the rock" johnson is not an actor extraordinaire. But then the little girl got there, and everything changed... i got completely invested. it was so lame, so predictable, so forced, but i was captivated. i just wanted dwayne "the rock" johnson and his illegitmate daughter to end up as a family with the beautiful and challenging ballet instructor. i didn't cry, but some of the girls i was there with did. and i have never, not for one second, thought that dwayne "the rock" johnson was attractive or could ever be attractive. i was so wrong. he is very attractive when he has a child. he is very attractive when he plays the guitar and sings elvis songs. and his teeth are perfect.

it was so lame, but i might have to buy it. i love love loooooove happy endings... and this one made me giggle for like half an hour after the movie ended because i was so pleased. plus there was a cast singing/dancing montage during the ending credits. really, the movie could've sucked and those clips would've saved it for me. but, like i said, the movie didn't suck. at least, not to a bunch of silly girls. (yeah, we all loved it. i'm not the only loser in the bunch.)

i guess there's no accounting for taste. oh well.

serendipity

2007-10-12T13:51:00.000-05:00

i love books. they are my favorite things in the world, besides photographs. i love libraries and bookstores - wall to wall goodness. in libraries (and antique bookstores) most of the books are so good and old and the pages are yellowed and the spines are broken (which is a really horrible thing if you're my brother. if you're my brother you won't let your little sister borrow your books unless you stand over her and make sure she doesn't open it all the way so as not to bend or break the spine. but then again, if you're my brother you think that women should never change their last names, you shouldn't lick stamps because the government could have access to your DNA, and you're freakishly brilliant). but these old books, you know that people have poured over and loved these pages before you. it's really amazing and humbling.

in bookstores, it is opposite magic. these books are brand-new and waiting for you. they are clean and shiny and perfect. you get to own these pages and they are all yours. a different kind of fun; not better or worse, just different.

i am never happier than when i am surrounded by books.

wednesday night i went to books-a-million (god what i wouldn't give for a davis-kidd or a barnes & noble - but it's jackson) with my roommates. like i said, i'm in a bookstore, so i'm already content. as i'm looking through the (miniature) lit crit section, i see a book that is obviously out of place. the word "McSweeney's" catches my eye, so i pull it of the shelf.

which begins my list, and the reason for this blog...

REASONS WHY THIS BOOK, MOUNTAIN MAN DANCE MOVES, WAS ABSOLUTELY THRILLING TO FIND

1. mcsweeney's. dave eggers is an editor for this company. dave eggers wrote A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genuis, which is aptly titled. dave eggers is one of the most clever men i've ever heard of existing, and i'm pretty sure he's my soulmate. so mcsweeney's owns, as far as i'm concerned.

2. lists. casey and i like to make lists. of anything, really. we make lists of things that we are good at, of potential names for the goldfish babies that our current goldfish might be having, of undesirable traits for our ideal man illustrated by men that we already know, of celebrities that would surely be friends with us, of people that we would put on an island if there was an island for stupid people that was devoid of warning labels... so anyways, we obviously make lots of lists (and they usually feature scott speedman). it's one of the things that we do. this book - is a book of lists. all it is, is a book of lists. and they are funny (see bullet point #1).

3. unicorns. casey loves unicorns. since casey loves them, i love them, too. nothing makes me happier than finding a unicorn somewhere if only so that i can then tell casey about it. unicorns are good. the cover of this book?

and there are lists about unicorns scattered throughout.

so things just really don't get much better. and my smile really doesn't get much bigger than it did when i realized the treasure that i was holding in my little, unworthy (but beautifully shaped) hands.

i love west tennessee

2007-10-04T16:12:00.000-05:00

at the risk of appearing like i don't have anything to do, i'm embarking on my second post for today. ok, ok... i don't have anything to do.

however, something just happened to me that i feel like i need to share.

by no means do i think i'm a "looker" or anything like that, but i am not too unfortunate. put that together with the fact that many nursing students are at least middle-aged and many more are generally unattractive, and the result is that some of the younger male nursing students like to talk to me sometimes.

well, "j" was in here just a few minutes ago turning in some papers, and he began to flirt with me. i can handle flirting. i could not handle what this guy was doing, though. he began to regale me with tales of his hunting adventures. apparently, "j" shot a "6 pointer" this morning, but then could not find him. i'm just guessing he meant he could not find the dead carcass of the previously animate and majestic creature.

he had me at "blood trail."

scout

2007-10-04T13:17:00.000-05:00

can you picture the position i'm in if i say that i'm laying in bed holding a stuffed animal? probably. so that's how i'm laying last night, but i wasn't holding a stuffed animal, i was holding my cat. it was the most precious thing that has ever happened to me. she woke me up at 5 a.m. to nuzzle, but how could i be upset with that? it was almost a relief when she decided to move, because i sure as hell was not going to ruin our arrangement. i just hoped she'd want to move by the time i had to get up.

i've always liked dogs better than cats, despite my name. but i have never loved an animal like i love scout. it's unreal. and she loves me, too, which is the probably the craziest part. this little tiny creature cannot be close enough to me to suit her. i'm probably the most important person in her life, oh my gosh what a responsibility. what else could i need?

i'm so excited about taking her with me to grad school (if i ever actually make it there). i don't care how new and scary a place is going to be, or how alone i'll feel, i can come home to my kitten. she's already been a comfort so far this year, and as impossible as it seems to me, i love her more all the time. such a good companion. is it weird to be so crazy about a pet?

loving a child is going to be completely overwhelming.

i hate that techno song

2007-10-03T12:34:00.001-05:00

i've decided that my favorite color is blue. or rather, that it must be blue. every time i decide to notice what i'm wearing, i swear it contains about 14 shades of blue. i'm currently wearing teal shorts, a purple tank, and a royal blue t-shirt. this happens all the time. i must love blue, unconsciously. i wonder what that says about me.

i think i either have a fever or an iron deficiency. or as my mother so kindly put it, "are you sure you're not just depressed?" thanks, mom. i wasn't BEFORE.